Uncool Bulgaria
We are not enjoying Bulgaria. Everything is difficult. It's like nobody wants us to be here. To get in to the country we had to pay €5 (in a country that has yet to adopt the Euro) to cross a bridge that looked like it had been put up the weekend before by a scout troop, had been destroyed mid-week and was 
only just being repaired again in time for our crossing. Just to make sure we knew our place, they then reduced it to a single lane of moon-worthy craters AND made you queue for half an hour before letting you on it. Then, when you eventually arrive in Bulgaria, you have to get a road tax vignette before you use any of the roads. But they'll only sell you them at petrol stations – the first one being 5km down the road.
There is nowhere to camp so even if you find a "campsite" on the internet, once you get there it simply doesn't exist. If they do exist they refuse to signpost any of them. And sometimes
, just to really mess with your head, they'll put up a sign pointing to a campsite that is, say, 100m on your left but then there'll be no left turn for the next 5km. As a result we have spent one night in a hotel car park (they did have a pool bar, so not all bad), one night in a field full of horses next to an abandoned truckstop and one night actually in a little hotel in the mountains – that was the night of the misleading sign.
And when I say there are signs, I don't want you to be under the misapprehension that they are in any way useful. Their alphabet seems to be a frightening hybrid of Greek, Russian and Klingon. If you want to get to Sofia, for example, you have to follow signs tha
t bear a word starting with "C", followed by an "O", followed by what is possibly a reef knot, then a backwards "N" and a backwards "R". Utter nonsense. There was a place name on one sign that contained the symbol for pi, the number 3, a space invader, a tent and the shape you'd be left with if the letter "B" got caught in a zip. There is no human sound that can emulate that collection of shapes. It can only be a visual representation of the noise made when you throw a pram down a staircase.
Is there anything good to say about Bulgaria? Well, their mountains are beautiful and the roads up into them are just as dramatic and challenging as Romania's Transfagarasans – only with a far better road surface. And there is far more forest than I ever expected. So much forest that you wonder what all that global warming fuss is about. We've been to some ancient burial mounds that you are actually allowed inside and can touch the original hand-carved stones from 500BC. There are beautiful churches and monasteries popping their golden, onio
n-shaped domes above the vast forests. And it is by far the hottest place we have been to so far. I spend each day actually melting. It's a wonder there aren't more incidents of Bulgarians just bursting into flames.
So, in summary, Bulgaria is… hot and annoying. Really annoying.
only just being repaired again in time for our crossing. Just to make sure we knew our place, they then reduced it to a single lane of moon-worthy craters AND made you queue for half an hour before letting you on it. Then, when you eventually arrive in Bulgaria, you have to get a road tax vignette before you use any of the roads. But they'll only sell you them at petrol stations – the first one being 5km down the road.
There is nowhere to camp so even if you find a "campsite" on the internet, once you get there it simply doesn't exist. If they do exist they refuse to signpost any of them. And sometimes
, just to really mess with your head, they'll put up a sign pointing to a campsite that is, say, 100m on your left but then there'll be no left turn for the next 5km. As a result we have spent one night in a hotel car park (they did have a pool bar, so not all bad), one night in a field full of horses next to an abandoned truckstop and one night actually in a little hotel in the mountains – that was the night of the misleading sign.
And when I say there are signs, I don't want you to be under the misapprehension that they are in any way useful. Their alphabet seems to be a frightening hybrid of Greek, Russian and Klingon. If you want to get to Sofia, for example, you have to follow signs tha
t bear a word starting with "C", followed by an "O", followed by what is possibly a reef knot, then a backwards "N" and a backwards "R". Utter nonsense. There was a place name on one sign that contained the symbol for pi, the number 3, a space invader, a tent and the shape you'd be left with if the letter "B" got caught in a zip. There is no human sound that can emulate that collection of shapes. It can only be a visual representation of the noise made when you throw a pram down a staircase.
Is there anything good to say about Bulgaria? Well, their mountains are beautiful and the roads up into them are just as dramatic and challenging as Romania's Transfagarasans – only with a far better road surface. And there is far more forest than I ever expected. So much forest that you wonder what all that global warming fuss is about. We've been to some ancient burial mounds that you are actually allowed inside and can touch the original hand-carved stones from 500BC. There are beautiful churches and monasteries popping their golden, onio
n-shaped domes above the vast forests. And it is by far the hottest place we have been to so far. I spend each day actually melting. It's a wonder there aren't more incidents of Bulgarians just bursting into flames.
So, in summary, Bulgaria is… hot and annoying. Really annoying.
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