A hole lotta love

After the very cowboy orientated Tombstone, we drove north to Indian country where we came across places with names like Geronimo, Fort Apache and even Tonto National Forest! They don't seem to use the more PC title of Native Americans here – they very definitely call themselves Indians. Anyway, it was in Tonto Forest that we discovered the Tonto Natural Bridge, a massive open-ended cavern that is one of those places that just make you say "wow!" They let you clamber through it, over the rocks and along the river that runs inside it and so we leapt at the chance. On the way through the cave we came across a few large Americans who seemed to have bitten off more than they could chew. I tried to assist one ample girl who had chosen to do the route in Ugg boots but the combination of slippery rocks and her natural momentum meant she nearly knocked me into the icy water below. We left her whimpering with a nearby Park Ranger.

Fort Apache was not so beautiful and certainly not the traditional Indian enclave I'd envisioned. There seemed to be a lot of knackered old pick-up trucks and a lot of Government-built prefabs, now looking a little dilapidated. We stopped at a pretty little wooden church to ask one of the locals where we might be able to camp for the night and the man we spoke to very kindly said we could park right there by the church and that he'd clear it with the pastor. It was a lovely little spot. Unfortunately we hadn't quite realised that the town was at an altitude of over 5000 feet and that our night's sleep would be quite so cold. Everything froze – us, the pipes, some water we'd left in a pan on the hob, even the condensation on the windows! It was with some haste that we drove down the mountain the next morning with the heater on full.

We then seemed to drive through a lot of twee little towns with twee little names like Strawberry, Star Valley and Snowflake (which is apparently named after its founders, the improbable Erastus Snow and William Flake) before ending up in a town called Camp Verde. We were here to visit Montezuma's Castle, some old 13th Century dwellings built into a cliff, but as an added boon we stumbled upon our first little American festival – and we do love a festival! This one was the Pecan, Wine and Antique Festival which appeared to be a celebration of three very random things. The key word for me though was 'wine'. Upon entering, we were issued with a commemorative wine glass and some tokens to 'spend' at the various stalls representing local wineries. A very pleasant afternoon of drinking Merlot, Syrah and Zinfandel, followed. There was live music – we saw a country music combo doing Proclaimers covers on the back of a flatbed truck, a jazz trio led by what appeared to be a portly sailor and a man who could simultaneously play the guitar and flute. We met some civil war re-enactors (if that's the word) and what I took to be an old prospector who'd just wandered out of the hills. Then some local Indians, complete with wooden head-dresses, performed a mesmerising Crown Dance. It was a great afternoon – though we saw very little in the way of pecans or antiques!

Next stop was Sedona and its famous Red Rocks. We hiked through the most amazing landscape of canyons and rock formations of unbelievably vivid colour. It was just like being in a Wild West movie. Which may have been what inspired us to go to nearby Cottonwood and try our hand at being actual cowboys. At Dead Horse Ranch State Park we found a place where actual cowboys would take us out horse riding. They even furnished me with a cowboy hat for the day. While we were waiting for our ride to begin, Jared, an actual bona fide cowboy with a rodeo title and everything, showed me how to lasso a calf. Well, I don't know if it was the hat or whether I'm just a natural but I was soon "ropin' that doggie" like a pro. It was, of course, not a real cow and subsequently stood very still but, even so, I was fairly chuffed with my effort. Then we got issued with a horse each. Mine was called Flash, a name that didn't seem to suit the mangy beast but did instill an enigmatic air of uncertainty about it. In fact, while all the other horses would gingerly step over the first ditch we came across Flash decided, without telling me, that it would be better to jump it. I'm not as good at riding as I am at lassoing, it turns out, but I did just about manage to stay aboard. Flash and I had a very tense relationship for the next hour or so.

There are a few things that have always fascinated me since I was a young boy and places I always hoped I'd one day be able to see for myself. One of these is the giant meteor crater in the desert between Winslow and Flagstaff, just off of old Route 66, and this week I finally got to visit it. When I was a lad I seem to remember it being called the Barringer Crater but now, according to all the signs, it seems to be called simply Meteor Crater – perhaps people were confused by what a Barringer was. Claire was just confused as to why I'd want to visit "a big hole" but I think even she was slightly impressed when we walked out onto the crater's edge. It is huge. It's about a mile across and as deep as a 60 storey building and was created by something that had flown through space for millions of years beforehand – I still get a bit dizzy thinking about it. We even got to touch a piece of the actual meteorite that created this enormous dent. I know it might sound weird, and feel free to laugh, but I feel like a very lucky boy!

There's one last story I simply have to share with you. After yet another very cold night in the van, Claire ran into a nearby Wal-Mart to try to buy a hot water bottle. Unfortunately they didn't seem to have any – except as part of some medical kit which Claire, excited by the prospect of any semblance of warmth, promptly bought. She came running back to the van, brandishing her prize and grinning excitedly – but she was a little confused by all the attachments and tubing that came with it. It was then that I had to point out that what she'd actually purchased was a home enema kit!

BURGER OF THE WEEK
The Pear Burger: hand-made prime beef burger smothered in blue cheese, grilled pears and lots of balsamic glaze! This was definitely the messiest so far...