Well, howdy America!
We landed in Los Angeles on a Virgin flight which we'd shared with pop starlet du jour Jessie J on her way to the Grammys. It was nice to see that even minor celebs can forget to fill out their immigration cards and be sent to the back of the queue! Anyway, because of one of America's odd laws, we weren't allowed to pick up our hire van on the same day we landed which meant we had to spend a night in a hotel first. We found a cheap motel near the 
airport that turned out to be one of those stereotypical 50s style motels with two storeys of rooms surrounding a pool lined with palm trees. It really was just like you see in the movies. So began our American adventure.
The next day we picked up our van. Our server, Beth Ann, got us to sign some forms, gave us the keys and sent us on our way. Literally. There was no demo, no fuss, just "Have a great trip. See you in May!" We don't have GPS in this van, just a lot of small scale maps, so our first hurdle was whether to turn left or right out of the parking lot (I've started using the American terminology already, which is worrying!). This also meant that it took us several hours to actually leave LA but somehow we ended up heading the way we wanted to go. Our first destination was Salton Sea, a large lake to the south east of LA which we'd spotted on the map and thought "let's just pop down there". Not entirely understanding the distances involved meant that we arrived at the lake in the dark, late at night and not really sure where we could camp. We pulled into a sort of gravel track where a sign said we could stay if we put $10 and our details in an envelope and pop it in an honesty box. So we did. There were a couple of other motorhomes (RVs) there so we thought we should be ok.
The next day we woke as the sun rose over the desert and we were confronted with 
one of the most amazing scenes I have ever seen. To one side of the van (the east I'm guessing) a cargo train, which must have been about a quarter of a mile long, trundled by blowing a horn that could only belong to an American train and the sunlight flickered through each carriage as it passed along the horizon. Then, as we staggered round to the other side, we were greeted by an enormous lake surrounded by mountains and bathed 
in a sort of pinky blue light 
– and teeming with approximately 48 million pelicans, gulls, herons and other water-based birdlife. It was incredible. If only every morning could be like this.
We got talking to some friendly old people in a couple of the neighbouring RVs and they gave us a steer on where to go next.
Which is how we ended up driving down a dusty old track to the 'Mud Volcanoes'. These were big piles of mud, about 5 or 6 feet high, sat in the 
middle of a dead flat field. What earned them the 'volcano' tag was the hot wet mud that came bubbling out of the top. It was weird and fairly smelly. But not as weird as our next stop...
Just outside a town called Niland, we found a place called 'Salvation Mountain'. This is a hill in the middle of the desert that some religious nutjob, called Leonard Knight, has turned into an enormous piece of God-praising artwork. It is mental. He's built it
from straw bales and clay – plus any old bits of junk or tree he's found lying around – and then painted it all in bright emulsion. It's a beautiful and crazy place. Sadly Leonard, who normally lives in an old truck nearby, has been put into hospital so the project is temporarily on hold. Hopefully he'll be back building his religious nonsense soon. 
In keeping with weird ideas, that night we drove down to El Centro and "camped" in a Wal-Mart car park. This is something we've discovered that all Wal-Mart stores let you do – and it's free! 
Plus, having a store right next door can come in very handy. The view in the morning wasn't as impressive as it had been by the lake, though.
Next we drove to Yuma just over the border into Arizona and as a result we had to immediately change our clocks forward as we went from Pacific Time to Mountain Time. Madness. Then Claire spotted a poster for a rodeo that was happening that very day. So off we went, to see one of the most American things there is. Approximately 94% of the crowd wore cowboy hats 
with not one single glimmer of irony. We were commenting on this as we stumbled upon a girl dressed head-to-toe in sparkly red skintight denim getting her horse ready for the show. She was Danielle and was apparently the Cattle Call Rodeo Queen from Brawley, California 
(you can imagine the accent that was announced in) and she was very proud of her title and the "crown" 
(cowboy hat with a badge on the front) it afforded her. We wished her luck and went to watch the show. Never having been to a rodeo before we were a little unsure what to expect so we got ourselves a corn dog (another first – quite liked it) and sat waiting for the excitement to begin.
The next two and a half hours were very confusing but this is my interpretation of it. Firstly, a man rode into the arena on a horse and sat there telling us anecdotes about his family, how much he loved America and saying hello to people he knew in the audience before praying to God and giving thanks for horses, freedom and America itself. Then a small child on a tiny pony hurtled 
around the arena brandishing the American flag while a 13-year-old girl sang The Star Spangled Banner and everyone stood up clutching their stetsons to their chest. There followed a parade of various Rodeo Queens from the surrounding area, including "Danielle from Brawley" who we cheered for very loudly. Then the actual rodeoing started and the highlight events for me were:
Try To Stay On A Bucking Bronco For Eight Seconds: That might not have been the proper title of it but that is what it entailed as six mentalists strapped themselves to horses that clearly didn't want to be ridden. Eight seconds was a little bit optimistic to be honest.
Steer Wrestling: That was the proper title but it seemed to entail a big cowboy
leaping off his horse and trying to land on a startled calf.
Tie Down Roping: Lassoing a calf, jumping on it and tying its legs together.
Mutton Busting: Putting 3-year-old children on the backs of rampaging sheep and seeing if they cried when they were thrown to the floor and trampled.
Barrel Racing: Girl riders hare around barrels in the quickest time possible while being patronised by the compere.
Bull Riding: The main event – certifiably insane lunatics try to stay on the back of a bull which has had a rope tied round its genitals in order to make it
really cross.
All of these events are over in seconds and so stretching it out over a whole afternoon was some feat. The rodeo clown (apparently all rodeos have one) would entertain the crowd between
events with some lame slapstick and sexist jokes but really the whole thing could have all been done half an hour. We left after the announcement to see who'd won a new saddle in the raffle. As an introduction to America, the first few days have been brilliant.
BURGER OF THE WEEK
During our trip, I will be scouring the US of A for its
finest burgers. This week, while holed up in LA, I tried the Bacon Slamburger™ from Denny's. Prime beef burger with large hash brown, egg, bacon and cheese. Genius.
airport that turned out to be one of those stereotypical 50s style motels with two storeys of rooms surrounding a pool lined with palm trees. It really was just like you see in the movies. So began our American adventure.The next day we picked up our van. Our server, Beth Ann, got us to sign some forms, gave us the keys and sent us on our way. Literally. There was no demo, no fuss, just "Have a great trip. See you in May!" We don't have GPS in this van, just a lot of small scale maps, so our first hurdle was whether to turn left or right out of the parking lot (I've started using the American terminology already, which is worrying!). This also meant that it took us several hours to actually leave LA but somehow we ended up heading the way we wanted to go. Our first destination was Salton Sea, a large lake to the south east of LA which we'd spotted on the map and thought "let's just pop down there". Not entirely understanding the distances involved meant that we arrived at the lake in the dark, late at night and not really sure where we could camp. We pulled into a sort of gravel track where a sign said we could stay if we put $10 and our details in an envelope and pop it in an honesty box. So we did. There were a couple of other motorhomes (RVs) there so we thought we should be ok.
The next day we woke as the sun rose over the desert and we were confronted with 
one of the most amazing scenes I have ever seen. To one side of the van (the east I'm guessing) a cargo train, which must have been about a quarter of a mile long, trundled by blowing a horn that could only belong to an American train and the sunlight flickered through each carriage as it passed along the horizon. Then, as we staggered round to the other side, we were greeted by an enormous lake surrounded by mountains and bathed 
in a sort of pinky blue light 
– and teeming with approximately 48 million pelicans, gulls, herons and other water-based birdlife. It was incredible. If only every morning could be like this.We got talking to some friendly old people in a couple of the neighbouring RVs and they gave us a steer on where to go next.
Which is how we ended up driving down a dusty old track to the 'Mud Volcanoes'. These were big piles of mud, about 5 or 6 feet high, sat in the 
middle of a dead flat field. What earned them the 'volcano' tag was the hot wet mud that came bubbling out of the top. It was weird and fairly smelly. But not as weird as our next stop...
Just outside a town called Niland, we found a place called 'Salvation Mountain'. This is a hill in the middle of the desert that some religious nutjob, called Leonard Knight, has turned into an enormous piece of God-praising artwork. It is mental. He's built it
from straw bales and clay – plus any old bits of junk or tree he's found lying around – and then painted it all in bright emulsion. It's a beautiful and crazy place. Sadly Leonard, who normally lives in an old truck nearby, has been put into hospital so the project is temporarily on hold. Hopefully he'll be back building his religious nonsense soon. 
In keeping with weird ideas, that night we drove down to El Centro and "camped" in a Wal-Mart car park. This is something we've discovered that all Wal-Mart stores let you do – and it's free! 
Plus, having a store right next door can come in very handy. The view in the morning wasn't as impressive as it had been by the lake, though. 
Next we drove to Yuma just over the border into Arizona and as a result we had to immediately change our clocks forward as we went from Pacific Time to Mountain Time. Madness. Then Claire spotted a poster for a rodeo that was happening that very day. So off we went, to see one of the most American things there is. Approximately 94% of the crowd wore cowboy hats 
with not one single glimmer of irony. We were commenting on this as we stumbled upon a girl dressed head-to-toe in sparkly red skintight denim getting her horse ready for the show. She was Danielle and was apparently the Cattle Call Rodeo Queen from Brawley, California 
(you can imagine the accent that was announced in) and she was very proud of her title and the "crown" 
(cowboy hat with a badge on the front) it afforded her. We wished her luck and went to watch the show. Never having been to a rodeo before we were a little unsure what to expect so we got ourselves a corn dog (another first – quite liked it) and sat waiting for the excitement to begin. 
The next two and a half hours were very confusing but this is my interpretation of it. Firstly, a man rode into the arena on a horse and sat there telling us anecdotes about his family, how much he loved America and saying hello to people he knew in the audience before praying to God and giving thanks for horses, freedom and America itself. Then a small child on a tiny pony hurtled 
around the arena brandishing the American flag while a 13-year-old girl sang The Star Spangled Banner and everyone stood up clutching their stetsons to their chest. There followed a parade of various Rodeo Queens from the surrounding area, including "Danielle from Brawley" who we cheered for very loudly. Then the actual rodeoing started and the highlight events for me were: 
Try To Stay On A Bucking Bronco For Eight Seconds: That might not have been the proper title of it but that is what it entailed as six mentalists strapped themselves to horses that clearly didn't want to be ridden. Eight seconds was a little bit optimistic to be honest. Steer Wrestling: That was the proper title but it seemed to entail a big cowboy
leaping off his horse and trying to land on a startled calf. Tie Down Roping: Lassoing a calf, jumping on it and tying its legs together.
Mutton Busting: Putting 3-year-old children on the backs of rampaging sheep and seeing if they cried when they were thrown to the floor and trampled.
Barrel Racing: Girl riders hare around barrels in the quickest time possible while being patronised by the compere.
Bull Riding: The main event – certifiably insane lunatics try to stay on the back of a bull which has had a rope tied round its genitals in order to make it
really cross. All of these events are over in seconds and so stretching it out over a whole afternoon was some feat. The rodeo clown (apparently all rodeos have one) would entertain the crowd between
events with some lame slapstick and sexist jokes but really the whole thing could have all been done half an hour. We left after the announcement to see who'd won a new saddle in the raffle. As an introduction to America, the first few days have been brilliant. BURGER OF THE WEEK
During our trip, I will be scouring the US of A for its
finest burgers. This week, while holed up in LA, I tried the Bacon Slamburger™ from Denny's. Prime beef burger with large hash brown, egg, bacon and cheese. Genius.
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